Well, life is turning completely normal again
Which is a good thing.
Before I was the Top Hat and before I met Charlize and before I met Charlie... it was normal. But now I'm returning back to my old life.
Life is... pretty great.
I'm going to college.
Have a boyfriend.
Friends and I are making summer plans together
I'm trying to find things that make me happy.
Traveling across state to state and seeing half the world.
Things couldn't be any more perfect-- but then why am I so...sad?
Depression? I know.... Don't tell me that being sad makes anyone a pussy.
Because it does.
As for any other girl who grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth would call us sluts.
Good time Sally's.
Well, you can go fuck yourself.
But you don't know shit. You can talk all you want. But you don't know shit. Once you know what it's like to be in the ring--- you change forever. There is no going back. It's a fuck-fest and anyone who gets caught fucking gets erased.
So why am I so sad?
Oh I think I know.
Maybe life outside the ring is soooooo boring that I'm nearly coughing up on my own blood in the morning these days and I have no reason to get out of bed anymore. There's no motivation and there's no passion. There is no more hotel and room service. Because secrets were my thing. Secrets kept me safe, fed me, took care of me, and paid me 13,000 a week! Those secrets made everything so much exciting. So much more... forbidden.
I just want to feel useful again-- I want to prove to myself that life can get better. That it can stay exciting and adventurous. That nothing and no one had boundaries as society teaches us that we do have boundaries. That we are powerful beyond measure.
we could do anything we wanted.
fuck it all-- let's go get some drinks and a cigg.
no cunt could tell us what to do
that was the flavor of being your own boss. Controlling your own future was priceless. literally. there was no price. Being a harpy? Don't judge.
Even though...... (here comes the truth)
it was sloppy...
maybe even dangerous
Yea assholes died
its been all over the news
but that was in the devil's contract
legalized or illegal-- Charlie said 'Because I said so'.
I hate him but I love him. We all did. Charlize the slut bitch hahaha she couldn't control herself. either frat boys or overpaid bench jocks she couldn't decided whether to hammer it or keep it secret and quiet in her room. fucked up thing is that her room never had a door. never. no lock. yea windows had bars and curtains but fuck she wasn't the shameful type.
what can i say
the hard way
it wasn't the best way
but it was the easier way
maybe it's not your way (whoever is reading this)
it was my way
who the fuck wants to flip burgers for the rest of their lives?
I sure as hell didn't sign up for any amish living life style shit
if you don't understand then fuck me